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writingbyebonioTitle: I Didn't Know Me Until I Met You
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eboniorchid
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Chapter 11: I Love and Leave for You
[084.Sad]
It hadn't been too difficult helping Dean to the threadbare sofa on the other side of the room, Sam's arm around his brother's back, while John sat on a rickety wooden chair near the site of the fray. Both John and Dean could do with some professional medical help, but they both looked far worse than the actual severity of their injuries would warrant and everyone wanted to know the score before leaving each others' sights.
Sam sank into an armchair by the coach, looking from John to Dean and back, before breaking the heavy silence in the room.
"Well … now that we're all comfortable, how about you give me the Cloak?"
"The Cloak?" John genuinely looked puzzled.
"The one you wore in. The one you're sitting on. I can feel it now. He must have been shielding its power from me."
"I don't know if that's a good idea, son."
"Don't call me that!" Sam was on his feet, stalking toward John. "My only father is in Hell, where he belongs. So … Give. Me. The. Cloak."
The rattle of items shifting on the table next to John made it abundantly clear that Sam's control was waning fast and Sam really didn't need any more blood on his hands.
"I don't want to hurt you. I just want the Cloak. It's mine. I earned it. And I earned it by killing your demon and letting you live. All despite the fact that you were planning to take me out back and shoot me, like some lame dog. So … John … give me the Cloak."
"Dad … just … give him the Cloak." Dean's voice floated up from the couch, pained, exhausted, and terribly sad. It made Sam's throat ache, but he knew where he stood with Dean now. He wasn't really a star-crossed love and only barely an estranged brother. Mostly he was just a freak of nature who could be put down like some rabid animal. Dean might feel something for him, but it hadn't been enough to warn him and it wouldn't be enough to pull them over all the many hurdles that still lay ahead, even with John's plot to kill him aside.
John stood, awkwardly, trying to keep his balance with only one good leg. He reached down, grabbed the Cloak, and handed it to Sam.
"I'm sorry." John apologized, rather sincerely, as the Cloak changed hands. "I … uh … I was wrong about you."
Sam's brow knitted together in cynical confusion. He could feel the buzz of power sliding along his skin from the Cloak in his hand and his words dripped like acid from jagged edges. "Why, John? Why do you think you were wrong? … Or … why do you think that now? Because if I'm just inherently a threat to you, so much so that you were going to kill me even if I destroyed the father that raised me, then couldn't it just be that, say, I saved you, so that I can kill you later or something? I mean, you've got quite the little incubus there, John. I wouldn't want him all cranky when we-"
"Sam! You're better than that too."
"Really? Why do you care Dean?" Sam turned back to face the man lying on the couch. "It's not like we're ever going to see each other again after tonight. Right? You two head off together hunting evil and me … I go back to day trading, only this time, in an apartment with heavy hexes on every door and window, so I don't get eaten by vengeful demons in my sleep or something. Right? I keep my head down and try stay out of trouble, so the Family Winchester doesn't have to come Hunting for me? Right?!" Sam didn't know if he wanted Dean to agree with him or not. This whole thing was just way too much for his brain to untangle with the throbbing that came from overuse of his abilities, even with the steady press of warmth that seemed to radiate up from the Cloak.
"Come with us." Dean's voice was low, a gruff whisper, half-plea, half-command.
Sam was sad and angry and tired and his head hurt and just … Why couldn't Dean let go of whatever this was between them?
Why couldn't he?
"You. Don't. Want. Me. Remember? Put me out of my misery? Oh and …" Sam waved in John's general direction. "… It's not like your dad's really going to be a-okay with having your bastard half-breed boyfriend around, Dean."
"Dad?"
John seemed to be hurting himself he was mulling over everything so hard.
"He knows an awful lot about the occult, the abilities he has could help us out a lot, and … You better throw me a bone here, Dad. You don't think the rest of the clan won't come looking for him?! I'm not just gonna leave him, Dad. He's Sam, Dad, our Sammy. You're willing to just let him go?!"
"No, Dean. But … I don't think I can handle … whatever it is that you two … have going together."
Dean sighed and nodded his head slowly, resigned. "Sammy, come here."
"Why?"
"Just … please."
Sam grudgingly went to stand by the couch. He was trying not to care, not to hurt, and he channeled that somewhat into a power-heightened anger thrumming steadily against his heart. But, as he stood by Dean, his hand instinctively reached to help in Dean's struggle to sit up. Dean signaled toward the empty cushion next to him with a dip of his head and Sam sat, very conscious that John was watching every move he made.
"We're a package deal, Dad."
"Dean, you don't-" Sam tried to interrupt, but Dean just walked right over his words.
"I want us to be a family. A fucked up, hardly functional, family, maybe, but a family. I do. But I've only had a year with Sam and I'm not just gonna let him go. Not after all this. And not just because you can't deal with one more level of alternative in our already damn unconventional lifestyle."
"You telling me to hit the road, here, Dean?" John was incredulous, his brow creased, head tilted to the side.
"No. I'm asking if you want to keep working together … the three of us … or if you want us to work separately. We've been working different jobs for over a year now, so it wouldn't be much different. You'd just know I had a partner to watch my back and that two of us would come, if you needed some help with a tough gig."
"You're serious."
"Yeah."
"Well, it seems everything's already decided, then."
"Guess so."
Even though this whole rare display of affection was touching, Sam knew they couldn't just go riding off into the sunset together, Hunting evil, as if John hadn't planned to end Sam's life out of fear and pity, as if Sam hadn't just almost killed everyone present with his rage, as if Sam wasn't still caught in a tug-of-war between the Winchester's world and the world of the Grigori.
"It's not going to work like that, Dean." Sam's voice was soft, but firm. Dean had just poured his heart out, as much as he ever could, and stood up to his father, refusing to need his approval for the first time in years, so Sam knew this would sting, but it needed to be said, needed to be dealt with.
"What do you mean, it won't work like that?" Dean turned to him, clearly taken aback and somewhat worried, but trying to hide it all.
"Your dad was right, Dean. There has always been and will always be something pulling at me from both sides. I have to find out where I fit, Dean, how to stay some version of who I am now, how to not become the destroyer that my father wanted me to be … … And that's a journey I have to make on my own."
"No! You do not need to do this alone, Sam." Dean's voice was full of disbelief and more than a little frustrated anger. "You probably just got yourself put on half the demon world's shit list. There's no way you're going out there by yourself, with everyone gunning for you? Are you crazy?"
"They'll be coming after me, though, Dean, me. I'm the major threat now, not you, not your dad, which means the further I am from you, the better."
"That's bullshit, Sam. I don't need you protect me."
"No? You're a mess, Dean. Can't you see that? This?" He brushed his hand through the air over the cooling bloodstain on Dean's chest. "This was you being fifteen minutes from death, Dean, and I'm not going to let you give them another chance at that, either of you."
Sam stood, resolute. He had to leave now or he'd never go. He needed answers about who he was and what that might mean. And he needed to hone his craft until he knew that he could keep Dean safe. So, he had to go, had to. He shook out the Cloak, swinging it back and wrapping it around himself, he felt near dizzy with the swell of power in him and knew the road ahead would be dark and long and lonely, but necessary.
"I'll try to keep them off your back as best I can, but Dean? Don't look for me." He saw Dean's jaw clench, eyes too bright, but Sam knew there was no other way. He nodded, though, answering the question Dean would never allow to leave the confines of his staunchly guarded heart. "I will find you again. I promise."
And he closed his eyes, feeling the wind of power his body rode as he transported himself away in a swirl of grey-black dust.
Chapters: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - 9 - 10 - 11 - 12
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Author:
eboniorchidFull Header for the Series
Additional Series Info
Chapter 11: I Love and Leave for You
[084.Sad]
It hadn't been too difficult helping Dean to the threadbare sofa on the other side of the room, Sam's arm around his brother's back, while John sat on a rickety wooden chair near the site of the fray. Both John and Dean could do with some professional medical help, but they both looked far worse than the actual severity of their injuries would warrant and everyone wanted to know the score before leaving each others' sights.
Sam sank into an armchair by the coach, looking from John to Dean and back, before breaking the heavy silence in the room.
"Well … now that we're all comfortable, how about you give me the Cloak?"
"The Cloak?" John genuinely looked puzzled.
"The one you wore in. The one you're sitting on. I can feel it now. He must have been shielding its power from me."
"I don't know if that's a good idea, son."
"Don't call me that!" Sam was on his feet, stalking toward John. "My only father is in Hell, where he belongs. So … Give. Me. The. Cloak."
The rattle of items shifting on the table next to John made it abundantly clear that Sam's control was waning fast and Sam really didn't need any more blood on his hands.
"I don't want to hurt you. I just want the Cloak. It's mine. I earned it. And I earned it by killing your demon and letting you live. All despite the fact that you were planning to take me out back and shoot me, like some lame dog. So … John … give me the Cloak."
"Dad … just … give him the Cloak." Dean's voice floated up from the couch, pained, exhausted, and terribly sad. It made Sam's throat ache, but he knew where he stood with Dean now. He wasn't really a star-crossed love and only barely an estranged brother. Mostly he was just a freak of nature who could be put down like some rabid animal. Dean might feel something for him, but it hadn't been enough to warn him and it wouldn't be enough to pull them over all the many hurdles that still lay ahead, even with John's plot to kill him aside.
John stood, awkwardly, trying to keep his balance with only one good leg. He reached down, grabbed the Cloak, and handed it to Sam.
"I'm sorry." John apologized, rather sincerely, as the Cloak changed hands. "I … uh … I was wrong about you."
Sam's brow knitted together in cynical confusion. He could feel the buzz of power sliding along his skin from the Cloak in his hand and his words dripped like acid from jagged edges. "Why, John? Why do you think you were wrong? … Or … why do you think that now? Because if I'm just inherently a threat to you, so much so that you were going to kill me even if I destroyed the father that raised me, then couldn't it just be that, say, I saved you, so that I can kill you later or something? I mean, you've got quite the little incubus there, John. I wouldn't want him all cranky when we-"
"Sam! You're better than that too."
"Really? Why do you care Dean?" Sam turned back to face the man lying on the couch. "It's not like we're ever going to see each other again after tonight. Right? You two head off together hunting evil and me … I go back to day trading, only this time, in an apartment with heavy hexes on every door and window, so I don't get eaten by vengeful demons in my sleep or something. Right? I keep my head down and try stay out of trouble, so the Family Winchester doesn't have to come Hunting for me? Right?!" Sam didn't know if he wanted Dean to agree with him or not. This whole thing was just way too much for his brain to untangle with the throbbing that came from overuse of his abilities, even with the steady press of warmth that seemed to radiate up from the Cloak.
"Come with us." Dean's voice was low, a gruff whisper, half-plea, half-command.
Sam was sad and angry and tired and his head hurt and just … Why couldn't Dean let go of whatever this was between them?
Why couldn't he?
"You. Don't. Want. Me. Remember? Put me out of my misery? Oh and …" Sam waved in John's general direction. "… It's not like your dad's really going to be a-okay with having your bastard half-breed boyfriend around, Dean."
"Dad?"
John seemed to be hurting himself he was mulling over everything so hard.
"He knows an awful lot about the occult, the abilities he has could help us out a lot, and … You better throw me a bone here, Dad. You don't think the rest of the clan won't come looking for him?! I'm not just gonna leave him, Dad. He's Sam, Dad, our Sammy. You're willing to just let him go?!"
"No, Dean. But … I don't think I can handle … whatever it is that you two … have going together."
Dean sighed and nodded his head slowly, resigned. "Sammy, come here."
"Why?"
"Just … please."
Sam grudgingly went to stand by the couch. He was trying not to care, not to hurt, and he channeled that somewhat into a power-heightened anger thrumming steadily against his heart. But, as he stood by Dean, his hand instinctively reached to help in Dean's struggle to sit up. Dean signaled toward the empty cushion next to him with a dip of his head and Sam sat, very conscious that John was watching every move he made.
"We're a package deal, Dad."
"Dean, you don't-" Sam tried to interrupt, but Dean just walked right over his words.
"I want us to be a family. A fucked up, hardly functional, family, maybe, but a family. I do. But I've only had a year with Sam and I'm not just gonna let him go. Not after all this. And not just because you can't deal with one more level of alternative in our already damn unconventional lifestyle."
"You telling me to hit the road, here, Dean?" John was incredulous, his brow creased, head tilted to the side.
"No. I'm asking if you want to keep working together … the three of us … or if you want us to work separately. We've been working different jobs for over a year now, so it wouldn't be much different. You'd just know I had a partner to watch my back and that two of us would come, if you needed some help with a tough gig."
"You're serious."
"Yeah."
"Well, it seems everything's already decided, then."
"Guess so."
Even though this whole rare display of affection was touching, Sam knew they couldn't just go riding off into the sunset together, Hunting evil, as if John hadn't planned to end Sam's life out of fear and pity, as if Sam hadn't just almost killed everyone present with his rage, as if Sam wasn't still caught in a tug-of-war between the Winchester's world and the world of the Grigori.
"It's not going to work like that, Dean." Sam's voice was soft, but firm. Dean had just poured his heart out, as much as he ever could, and stood up to his father, refusing to need his approval for the first time in years, so Sam knew this would sting, but it needed to be said, needed to be dealt with.
"What do you mean, it won't work like that?" Dean turned to him, clearly taken aback and somewhat worried, but trying to hide it all.
"Your dad was right, Dean. There has always been and will always be something pulling at me from both sides. I have to find out where I fit, Dean, how to stay some version of who I am now, how to not become the destroyer that my father wanted me to be … … And that's a journey I have to make on my own."
"No! You do not need to do this alone, Sam." Dean's voice was full of disbelief and more than a little frustrated anger. "You probably just got yourself put on half the demon world's shit list. There's no way you're going out there by yourself, with everyone gunning for you? Are you crazy?"
"They'll be coming after me, though, Dean, me. I'm the major threat now, not you, not your dad, which means the further I am from you, the better."
"That's bullshit, Sam. I don't need you protect me."
"No? You're a mess, Dean. Can't you see that? This?" He brushed his hand through the air over the cooling bloodstain on Dean's chest. "This was you being fifteen minutes from death, Dean, and I'm not going to let you give them another chance at that, either of you."
Sam stood, resolute. He had to leave now or he'd never go. He needed answers about who he was and what that might mean. And he needed to hone his craft until he knew that he could keep Dean safe. So, he had to go, had to. He shook out the Cloak, swinging it back and wrapping it around himself, he felt near dizzy with the swell of power in him and knew the road ahead would be dark and long and lonely, but necessary.
"I'll try to keep them off your back as best I can, but Dean? Don't look for me." He saw Dean's jaw clench, eyes too bright, but Sam knew there was no other way. He nodded, though, answering the question Dean would never allow to leave the confines of his staunchly guarded heart. "I will find you again. I promise."
And he closed his eyes, feeling the wind of power his body rode as he transported himself away in a swirl of grey-black dust.
Chapters: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - 9 - 10 - 11 - 12
Back to the Table of Contents
Tags:
- !fanfic,
- category: slash,
- challenge: 100moods,
- challenge: mini_nanowrimo,
- challenge: nanowrimo,
- challenge: undermistletoe,
- character: dean winchester,
- character: john winchester,
- character: meg masters,
- character: sam winchester,
- character: the demon,
- character: tom the demon,
- fandom: supernatural,
- fic series: idmuimy,
- fic universe: spn idkmuimy,
- genre: angst!fic,
- genre: au!fic,
- genre: challenge!fic,
- genre: dark!fic,
- genre: first-time!fic,
- genre: humor!fic,
- genre: hurt/comfort!fic,
- genre: plot!fic,
- genre: smut!fic,
- genre: wincest!fic,
- kink: incest,
- kink: manipulation,
- kink: non-consent,
- pairing: sam/dean,
- pairing: sam/kane,
- rating: nc-17,
- type: multi-chapter,
- warning: underage,
- warning: violence
