God, I love this story--I love this entire arc, actually. This fic is my favorite in your evil!Sammy universe so far. Each fic keeps getting better and better. *g*
I am SO EXCITED about your upcoming story, "Going Down." There seems to be a huge mental change between "Fucked" Dean and the more accepting-of-his-circumstances Dean in "Begging For You." I'm so interested in seeing how you get from one point to the next, because I think you've done such an excellent job with Dean's mental progression in these fics. God, it's been tough to read, but if this sort of thing had happened to him, this is exactly how I think things would go down.
I'm also really interested in seeing the outcome of Dean's actions in "I Dream of Death." It seems like such a huge turning point, because in that story, Sam seems to have done exactly the opposite of what he intended. I wonder if he will modify his tactics in response, or if he will continue to blindly pursue Dean's surrender even when it's obviously no longer leading to his survival. I mean, I wonder if Sam comes to realize that while surrender is necessary for Dean's survival, Sam also has to be on his guard when it comes to his own behavior. I don't think he's really reached that point yet--he seems determined to get Dean to accept everything, no matter what, no matter how difficult. I wonder if he can come to accept that there are some things that Dean just can't do.
I also wonder if that is good enough for either of them, because I'm getting the feeling that Sam is, well, being watched in some way, being judged. Especially when it comes to his treatment of his brother. He keeps saying he doesn't want to bring Dean out of the room because Dean is "embarrassing" to his status in Dean's current state, but at the same time, I can't help but wonder if Dean would be completely unsafe in the outside world--and in a position to be taken from Sam if it's seen that Sam hasn't "broken" him properly. I'm really, really interested in why Sam thinks his treatment of Dean is necessary. I'm interested in how bad the outside world really is, beyond the little snippets Sam tells Dean about communal whores.
I guess that means you're going to have to count me in for viewing this more as a broken!boys universe rather than an evil!Sam universe. Bwhahaha. Because honestly, I kind of love this Sam. I know I shouldn't, but god, he makes my heart break--and not just for Dean's sake. Seriously, I don't know how you've done it, but I actually care for his fucked-up, sadistic, broken little self. All of these glimpses into his motivations, how in the midst of nightmares he still cries for Dean, how he swears up and down that he's not weak and he won't be weak anymore (and I just see a crying child when he does that, no matter how scary he's being, because wow, broken)--I just, god, I can't help but want to fix him too. I think the long and short of it is: I think Sam just wants Dean to be safe, happy, and with him, but things in the outside world are so bad that his treatment of Dean is necessary. And that makes me hurt for both of them.
You keep making comparisons to Candide, which I love about these fics. I don't think Dean quite understands where Sam is coming from, but if I'm reading this right, Sam's just "cultivating his garden" as best he can in a world he's come to realize as nothing more than shit. All of his actions, they do kind of seem like a warped version of keeping free of vice, boredom, and necessity, as defined by he and Dean's new world.
Ack. Sorry, I've gone on and on. I just love these fics LIKE BURNING. *g*
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I am SO EXCITED about your upcoming story, "Going Down." There seems to be a huge mental change between "Fucked" Dean and the more accepting-of-his-circumstances Dean in "Begging For You." I'm so interested in seeing how you get from one point to the next, because I think you've done such an excellent job with Dean's mental progression in these fics. God, it's been tough to read, but if this sort of thing had happened to him, this is exactly how I think things would go down.
I'm also really interested in seeing the outcome of Dean's actions in "I Dream of Death." It seems like such a huge turning point, because in that story, Sam seems to have done exactly the opposite of what he intended. I wonder if he will modify his tactics in response, or if he will continue to blindly pursue Dean's surrender even when it's obviously no longer leading to his survival. I mean, I wonder if Sam comes to realize that while surrender is necessary for Dean's survival, Sam also has to be on his guard when it comes to his own behavior. I don't think he's really reached that point yet--he seems determined to get Dean to accept everything, no matter what, no matter how difficult. I wonder if he can come to accept that there are some things that Dean just can't do.
I also wonder if that is good enough for either of them, because I'm getting the feeling that Sam is, well, being watched in some way, being judged. Especially when it comes to his treatment of his brother. He keeps saying he doesn't want to bring Dean out of the room because Dean is "embarrassing" to his status in Dean's current state, but at the same time, I can't help but wonder if Dean would be completely unsafe in the outside world--and in a position to be taken from Sam if it's seen that Sam hasn't "broken" him properly. I'm really, really interested in why Sam thinks his treatment of Dean is necessary. I'm interested in how bad the outside world really is, beyond the little snippets Sam tells Dean about communal whores.
I guess that means you're going to have to count me in for viewing this more as a broken!boys universe rather than an evil!Sam universe. Bwhahaha. Because honestly, I kind of love this Sam. I know I shouldn't, but god, he makes my heart break--and not just for Dean's sake. Seriously, I don't know how you've done it, but I actually care for his fucked-up, sadistic, broken little self. All of these glimpses into his motivations, how in the midst of nightmares he still cries for Dean, how he swears up and down that he's not weak and he won't be weak anymore (and I just see a crying child when he does that, no matter how scary he's being, because wow, broken)--I just, god, I can't help but want to fix him too. I think the long and short of it is: I think Sam just wants Dean to be safe, happy, and with him, but things in the outside world are so bad that his treatment of Dean is necessary. And that makes me hurt for both of them.
You keep making comparisons to Candide, which I love about these fics. I don't think Dean quite understands where Sam is coming from, but if I'm reading this right, Sam's just "cultivating his garden" as best he can in a world he's come to realize as nothing more than shit. All of his actions, they do kind of seem like a warped version of keeping free of vice, boredom, and necessity, as defined by he and Dean's new world.
Ack. Sorry, I've gone on and on. I just love these fics LIKE BURNING. *g*