Fanfic - SPN: The Heat Outside Would Never Warm Him (Sam/Dean)

[writingbyebonio]

Title: The Heat Outside Would Never Warm Him [Evil!Sammy Universe]
Author: eboniorchid
Fandom: Supernatural
Characters: Sam Winchester/Dean Winchester
Prompt: 016. Cold. For 100moods, challenge table here.
Word Count: ~ 420 words.
Rating: PG-13 for implied sexuality and violence.
Warnings/Spoilers: Angst. Dark. Future. Apocalypse. Slash. Implied wincest. Implied violence. Potential vague spoilers for "Home" and "In My Time of Dying".
Disclaimer: I own nothing. Really. Nothing.
Summary: Dean's POV. Watching the end, in the arms of love and hate.
Author's Notes: I'd like to say that I don't know where this came from, but I do, even if doesn't make any sense. "Guidelines for Evil Empresses" states, in suggestion #4 that one "not bed the Hunky Hero before the evil plan is executed" and I thought: what about after or during the execution of said plan? And this was born. For more info about my Evil!Sammy Universe, including links to all installments, please go here.



The crash outside, like thunder-trains colliding overhead, woke Dean in his brother's bed and he walked to reach the curtains on the window. Dawn was breaking hard, the brightness of the sun near blinding, as if it sought to rival the destruction flooding over the world below. Fire stole the color, the shadow, and the life from almost everywhere he looked. Where it was absent, there was only black.

He heard Sam rise from the bed, smelled his own scent on Sam, standing just behind, felt the weight of Sam's eyes, and knew he'd fallen, a would-be hero, tempted and weak.

"What have you done, Sam?" His voice was a choked sob, shattered but still seeking something to hold on to, something to lift him from the swelling darkness, from the desperation roiling just beneath his surface.

"What I was born to." He said it so simply, so lacking emotive heft, so free of remorse or even twisted joy. There was nothing there.

Dean trembled with rage and regret and sorrow so deep, sickness spilling up from his gut leaving his tongue tainted but his mouth somehow dry. Sam's fingers were smooth on his arm, the blanket of his power wrapping like a velvet vice around them both.

"There's nothing you can do, Dean. Your world is fast becoming mine."

Yours. Mine. It felt like lead had found a way to weight his heart and strip his throat rough.

He thought … he thought he'd gotten through to Sam, thought he'd found a way to make Sam see that this dark heritage of his was only one part of him … only one. But he'd been played.

He wondered how long it had been that way. How long had Sam toyed with him? How many talks about black and white and gray in the world had been tools to muddle his mind more than Sam? How many times had he been lured from alternate paths, always following Sam into the dark, his love and need for Sam shoving doubts deeper and away?

"It doesn't matter, Dean. Whatever questions you have now are needless. If you wonder when you lost me, know that you never had me and that I am not lost. I have always and will always be exactly what I was meant to be. Yours. And your defeat."

Defeat felt like death. The crush of Sam's strength around him, body tight, power soft, felt like heaven and hell, torture sweet and passion cruel.

And Dean knew this was the end.

Comments

[ckll.livejournal.com]

Now you broke me! You wrote something it can potentially happen.
*thud*

[writingbyebonio.livejournal.com]

Aw thanks!

Yeah, I have a love-hate relationship with the idea of evil!Sam. Part of me wants him to be evil so so much, because it would make for some beautiful angst, but part of me is like Dean here, holding out for Sam to be a good guy in the end.

I'm really glad you like it!

[missyjack.livejournal.com]

*is scared*
of Sam and of your writing prowess!

[writingbyebonio.livejournal.com]

LOL! Yeah, he's definitely got room to get scary. We'll see.

Me, though, I'm not scary, but thanks for such an awesome compliment!

[cherry87a.livejournal.com]

now this was really dark and scary! I loved it =D

[writingbyebonio.livejournal.com]

Oh thank you! Glad it worked for you!

[luminosity]

eeee! oh yeah.

For what it's worth, I think Sam's *gonna* get really dark, that the battle between Good and Evil on Earth could take place within one man (the Zoroastrian way!).

[writingbyebonio.livejournal.com]

*teehee* I hope that was a good squeal rather than a bad one.

And it wouldn't surprise me a bit if they messed with Sam's moral compass a bit, which would, I think, mess with Dean's a bit too. It'll be interesting to see where things go.

[zenamydog.livejournal.com]

OMG so really dark. Gosh!!! So sad too.

[writingbyebonio.livejournal.com]

Yes, dark and sad. I'm in emo!writer mode of late, sorry. *hides*

[kellifer-fic.livejournal.com]

Wow... *whimpers* Oh poor, broken boys...

[writingbyebonio.livejournal.com]

Aw *pets* ... Thanks for reading!

[broken-lullaby.livejournal.com]

Dark!Sam. Hm.

Wow...I'm sort of left speechless here. I just, wow. I liked. Loved.

[writingbyebonio.livejournal.com]

Oh thank you! I'm glad you liked it, even with the dark!

[miriad.livejournal.com]

This, to be honest, scares the crap out of me. There is something about stories about people who have abilities who could stay good or tip to the darkness at any time that freak me out. While I see Sam as essentially good, he doubts himself and doubt can lead to all sorts of nasty decisions that you can't take back that lead you to the darkside. I can see Sam falling and that's why this worked for me.

Dean getting sideswiped by it also hits dead on for me. He wants to believe so badly that his brother is a good guy, that he can't possibly be a killer, an evil person, but as we saw last week, he too has doubt. And again, that's dangerous. Because I see Dean as a guy that will cut to the chase and pull the truth out about everything except his brother because he loves SAmmy too much to accept that he could ever really be evil. And so this breaks me.

Thinking about this brought a few things up for me- dark!Sam scares me but dark!Dean scares me more. If you took away everything about Dean that made him good and let him loose... that's trouble.

However... evil!Sam and evil!Dean together... now that's something to think about. guh. Can you even imagine that? Someone wrote a story about Sam and Dean as vampires and it worked but I'm waiting for someone to go really dark and in this fandom, that's saying a lot.

After all the babbling, to sum up- this totally rocked, for me. I'd love to see you expand on this world, on this idea. I love what they call in SG-1 fandom, the Apocafic, so, yeah, bring it on. I'll totally read it and get broken and cry and love every second of it. Your writing is incredible, your style really flows and I'm looking forward to what comes next.

[writingbyebonio.livejournal.com]

This, to be honest, scares the crap out of me.

Really? Everyone who reads this keeps saying "dark and scary," which is true, I guess. It just doesn't feel that scary to me, but I'm totally in dark!Sam's head right now, so maybe he's corrupted me. :)

because he loves Sammy too much to accept that he could ever really be evil

Exactly. I really think that if Sam falls (I don't know if he will, it's kind of all up for grabs right now, yeh?), if he does fall, Dean will too. Just to make bad analogies with major pop culture heroes: if Dean is Superman and Sam goes bad, he ends up being Dean's Lois, his Lex, and his actual kryptonite, which is a damn deadly combination. Even if Dean eventually gets back to the path of good, he'll have, in some sense, "wasted" valuable save-the-world-from-evil time because he couldn't let go of the idea of a good!Sam. The wasted time idea was kind of taken to an extreme in this fic, with Dean not letting himself see all the darkness in Sam until it's too late.

dark!Sam scares me but dark!Dean scares me more

Interesting. I feel exactly the opposite way. I kind of feel like we've already seen glimpses into dark!Dean, both with real!Dean and with shapeshifter!Dean, and he just seems to be basically Dean, but without a leash. Not that dark!Dean couldn't be a lot of things, but I think he'd be a lot like Gordon in Bloodlust and like the Dean who would slaughter, without hesitation, the whole of the Bender family (like he said) if they killed Sam. I think dark!Dean would be a violent sociopath and would find satisfaction in a good kill, but I'm not sure if he would be twisted or power-hungry in his darkness. Sam, on the other hand, doesn't let us in to see much of his darkness, so it could be truly scary, it could be an utter 180 degree perversion of who good!Sam is. He's the tortured emo guy who loves to broker peace, prefers to be honest, tries to trust people (as long as they're not Kids-Like-Sam), and just generally wants a happy-normal-safe life, even though he now knows hunting may be his calling. Dark!Sam could be calculating, free of so much conflict, confident in his darkness, manipulative, and unfeeling or even twisted-and-gleeful. The evil could be fun for him, using his power to dominate others could be a high for him. Finally, the safety he wanted would be within reach, if only he could hone his skills to the point where every supernatural force that he once feared would now have nightmares about him. I dunno. Maybe my love for dark!Sam is heavily biasing my pseudo-meta-speculation here. Maybe we'll see some of these questions get answered in canon.

evil!Sam and evil!Dean together

OMG! It's not that I've never thought about it, but I haven't re-thought about it since writing this piece. I just think the world would be royally fucked if they both went dark. Not that the world would be all shiny-happy if only one went dark, but really, both of them? Score: World = 0, Winchesters = Infinity. Seriously. And gah wouldn't that just be hot, so hot, but if I wrote that it would be DARK dark, like truly sick-and-twisted dark, very-ugly-world dark, mind-of-a-perfectly-sane-serial-killer dark. I mean, damnit, now I have all these ideas! Grr! *shakes fist at you*

this totally rocked, for me. I'd love to see you expand on this world, on this idea

Thank you, hun. I'm really REALLY glad you liked it! Because I really, really like it, maybe more than any of my fics to date, but I'm a dork and need validation. :) I do actually have some ideas for expanding on this 'verse, but I'm kind of hesitant, because I love this piece so much, I don't know if I want to sully it with bad prequels and such. We'll see.

Your writing is incredible, your style really flows and I'm looking forward to what comes next.

Thank you so so much! I really appreciate all the encouragement!

[maygra.livejournal.com]

First off let me say that it's excellent writing and utterly convincing and plausible. I like (if that ;s the word) the absolutism in Sam, the lack of emotion...and that said I also found this hitting me very much like death stories do which for me, isn't necessarily a good thing.

But regardless, it's very, very well done and chilling and kind of like you , I don't find it so much scary as just heartbreakingly sad.

Well done.

[writingbyebonio.livejournal.com]

Thank you! And I'm glad Sam's absolutism worked for you.

Death stories ... hmm.

Might I ask how death stories hit you?

P.S. I'm not really sure if I consider this a death story. But I think death-of-the-author theory has already killed me on this piece. :)

[maygra.livejournal.com]

I kind of avoid them at all cost -- or I approach them very, very carefully.

All of which has nothing to do with you or anyone. It's my issue, the way dsome people avoid other highly volatile issues.

It's not that it is a death story -- but in it's own way, it's the death of someone Dean loves and he's left behind to deal or not deal with that loss -- which is pretty much my problem with death stories. I don't handle them very well and don't read them if I can help it.

Again, it has nothing at all to do with you or your story. It's all on me -- so While I can honestly say it's beautifully written, I also don't like it for reasons that don't have anything to do with the story itself, if that makes sense.

[writingbyebonio.livejournal.com]

Ah, I'm sorry.

Do you think a dark!Sam warning would help steer you away if you were browsing around and wouldn't normally read something like this?

[maygra.livejournal.com]

You have nothing to apologize for -- honestly. I skipped to the end based on your warnings and then read it anyway because I promised I would. And quite truthfully, the writing is gorgeous for so short a piece (or for any piece.)

But if you had warned for Dark!Sam and I had just been skimming my flist, I'd probably have given it a pass. I do the same for Dark!Dean, and John too for some extent. And you did warn for dark so, you know caveat lector.

Although I should probably warn you, *g*, I'm kind of a warning maniac. I pretty much warn for everything from bad puns to rape...so, I'm hardly your average reader. given the topics I sometimes tackle as a writer, I'm a huge old wussy reader.

[writingbyebonio.livejournal.com]

Okay. Thanks for the info.

I'm a huge old wussy reader

*g* That was rather unexpected!

Really, though, thanks again for reading. I really appreciate it.

[a-phoenixdragon.livejournal.com]

UHHHHhhhhhhhhUUUHHHGGGuuhhhhHHHHH....

*Whimpers*

*Claws the air madly, shakes head in delicious denial*

*Adores you*

*Drools pathetically, incoherent*

*Clings....Loves*

[writingbyebonio.livejournal.com]

*Wheeee*

That was quite a performance *cough* I mean, comment. I'm glad you liked it!

Thanks for reading!

[cariadean.livejournal.com]

What a powerful piece of writing ... Dean's lost and Sam, Sam's become what he was destined to become.

In this piece Sam most definitely is both Dean's heaven and hell.

[writingbyebonio.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much!

And yes, heaven and hell for Dean are wrapped up in one scary Sam-shaped package.

[dendritejungle.livejournal.com]

Dude. WHAT A START TO THIS 'VERSE! You wield that poetic license of yours alternately like a knife or a sledgehammer, but always artfully as the occasion demands. Description, dialogue, and Jesus, your endings. You just...you just pwn. *hands*

[writingbyebonio.livejournal.com]

Wow! Thank you! I really appreciate the glowy feedback. *has many warm fuzzies* XD

[apostrophee.livejournal.com]

I'm reading this series in the way you say it should be read and I just have to say that WOW what a great way to kick things off. I really could ramble on and on about how beautifully dark -and plausible the story is seeming to be already, but I want to dive headfirst into the rest of the plot and -oh man I can tell within ten seconds of reading something whether I'll like it or not and so far I am prepared to fall in love.

[writingbyebonio.livejournal.com]

LOL. Wow. Yeah. Totally missed this comment somehow. *looks around sheepishly* Thank you for offering your thoughts on the realism and style of the piece. Glad you enjoyed it so much! :)

[nsnfan.livejournal.com]

I just started reading this and find it fascinating.

I like the imagery and the description of Dean's slow realization that he had been played from the beginning.

And Sam's "Yours. And your defeat." is dealt in such a clinical manner devoid of any emotion that they give me chills. And they are together, as I would always expect them to be.

Thanks for writing this and sharing.

[writingbyebonio.livejournal.com]

Thank you! This was really a flow-of-inspiration and pseudo-poetry kind of piece. Glad you liked it! :)