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writingbyebonio ([personal profile] writingbyebonio) wrote2009-09-29 07:27 am

Fanfic - SPN: Walking Nightmares - Ch. 5: Modified

Title: Walking Nightmares [Evil!Sammy Universe]
Author: [livejournal.com profile] eboniorchid

Full Header for the Series

Chapter Five: Modified

"You're telling me that I should give up?" It was unsettling to be arguing with Sam here. That wasn't how this place was supposed to work. It was like the peace had been tainted by that other Sam's presence. The magic veneer was peeling off.

"No. I'm telling you to give him what he wants." Sam slowed his words as he repeated himself like Dean had to translate it all into Deanese or something.

"He wants me to wave the fucking white flag, Sam!"

"So surrender!"

They both glared at each other, arms flung open in animated exasperation, but Dean couldn't stand holding onto tension in exactly the place where he was supposed to be able to rest. He dropped his arms, shaking his head with confusion. "I thought you wanted me to fight, to find a way to fix him – fix

"I do." Sam dropped his arms too, his voice sad but earnest. "But I think surrender is the only way to do that now."

Dean's gaze wandered away and then down, bitterness spreading over his tongue. "So ... what? I'm gonna fuck him all better?"

"Dean- ..."

"Tell me. I really wanna know." He knew his eyes were flashing fire when they caught his brother's again, but he was well-past done with illogical, impossible reasoning. "How the fuck does giving in fix anything?!"

Sam didn't flinch at Dean's outburst, his stance solidifying and his shoulders even better squared. "He has to trust you."

Instantly, Dean's anger deflated, a new kind of fear, founded in doubt, filling the hole in the center of his mind. "... I can't."

"Yes, you can. You already are."

"No. I mean, yeah, I'm trying, but I can't just let him- ... I don't feel like
me when I don't fight and I can't fake it because he knows the difference."

"So don't fake it." Sam seemed to be searching for something in his eyes, but Dean had nothing yet to offer. "If you can't give it up the easy way, he'll teach you the hard way. You know that. You just have to be willing to learn. ... I think you know that too."

He shrugged, like the idea would fall off of him and fade away, even though it stuck, seeping in through his skin. "I could run."

"Could you? Even if it was possible? Could you leave me twisted up like that, lost? When you could've saved me and everyone in my path?"

Dean wanted to say 'yes', wanted to be some coulda-been-hero-cum-coward, but he couldn't and he wasn't.

"Maybe he knows the way out. Hell, maybe he
is the way out. I mean, maybe escape isn't possible because he doesn't want it to be, but he could be persuaded. Or maybe- ... maybe he needs a way out too. Maybe that's why he needs you."

It was hard classifying Sam's obsessive ownership as being about 'need', but even at his most cynical, Dean could feel the way he blurred the lines between love and possession for Sam. So maybe, as counterintuitive as it seemed, even hard-won surrender could be a way to save Sam, a way to save them both.

"Maybe." Dean nodded. The truth was, though, that seeing his plight as a solution as much as a problem didn't inherently make it easier, no matter how 'good' the cause was.

* * *

Dean woke up alone, or not technically alone, but alone in wakefulness. It had been days, a week at least, since they'd started this stricter routine and Dean hadn't been awake before his brother on any morning since the first day. Even then, it had only been because his brother's restlessness had woken him. This morning, though, Dean woke to utter stillness and quiet.

He watched Sam breathing deeply for a long time, wondering how this could feel so real and so dreamlike at the same time. It occurred to him that he'd had very few occasions to watch Sam sleep here and none that he could recall when the sun was high enough so he could really see his brother. In sleep, Sam looked like the man that Dean remembered, the one who might open his eyes any second and thwap Dean with a pillow for staring at him like he was a zoo animal. Dean wanted to smile at that, but the laughter died in his throat before it could reach the rubber that was waxing an unnatural taste onto his tongue and out to wet his lips. These days he was the zoo animal: tied, contorted, and stuffed like a pig for the roast.

Yet, this was not where he was supposed to be and he knew it. He was supposed to awaken upright with his legs spread just waiting for the intimate discipline of a cock whipping. Why was Sam still asleep? Dean knew he hadn't earned any extra punishment the day before – a first, so far – so Sam couldn't have worn himself out issuing the basic daily flogging. It was only fifty strokes. Then again, Sam had been running on low for days, maybe even the whole time since the nightmares had returned. Maybe he was really just that exhausted. That very real possibility left Dean unsure about how to proceed, though. Would a good whore let his master sleep undisturbed or would he wake him to make sure he didn't miss any especially important meetings or activities, even if that included disciplining his slave?

He could feel his brow furrow as he lay there, restrained by uncertainty and fear just as much as rope. The slow realization of barely tingling numbness in his feet made the decision for him, however, and he nudged his way closer to his brother, an increasing awareness of potential physical harm making his announcing grunt particularly loud. "Nnnngghh!"

Sam's eyes snapped open, wary and dangerous at the same time, but then his eyebrows tilted inward and even though his gaze still held his brother's, Dean could tell that he was listening, like the hunter he once was, trying to determine what had caused Dean's distress. Apparently hearing nothing, he slowly pushed himself up by one arm, giving the room a quick once-over before peering back down at Dean with no small level of confusion. In blinks, though, he'd composed himself and looked away, lifting a hand to rake through his sleep-matted hair.

"Slept in." Even though his voice was rough and dry, Sam said it both like he'd meant to do this and like he knew neither of them really believed that. When he looked back at Dean, though, his expression was softer somehow, his lips hinting at curves in the corners. "You make a nice alarm clock, though." He smirked, eyes suddenly sparkling as he reached over to undo the gag, and before Dean's newly-freed mouth could say anything, Sam was laughing against his slick lips and tonguing his way in, urgent in a way that made Dean blink because it was infused with excitement, joy even, more than authority and need.

When Sam finally pulled away enough to let them both breathe separate air, Dean felt blown over, something nervous bubbling in his stomach as he tried to make sense of Sam's behavior without accessing his increasingly resistant stores of hope. "Are you- …" He stopped himself before being too forward, revealing too much. Whores were adaptive and service-oriented, not investigation-oriented. Whores were – he was – for pleasure. Dropping his gaze from his brother's, he worked to make his statement something more than self-serving. "I think the ropes may be … damaging your property … and maybe not the way you want … sir."

Sam's hand on his cheek, thumb tracing his lips, made Dean still, but he tried not to resent it, kind as it was for the moment. "Did you rub yourself raw, whore?"

Dean shook his head without dislodging Sam's hand. "I can't feel everything. Circulation's no good."

"Hmmm." Sam hummed a response, but his fingers were already shifting away, pressing themselves under taut lengths of rope and pulling at knots.

Before long, Dean was achy and tingling all over but no longer bound or numb, his brother's hands rubbing warmth into his cooler spots. It felt unexplainable for his body to relax with his owner's hands everywhere, with every moment dragging him closer to his daily duties, endurances, and disciplines. Still, he found himself breathing easier when Sam finished and slid back about an inch, enough to see more of him, Dean presumed.


Dean nodded absently, psyching himself up before opening his mouth to begin the day properly, his teeth half-gritted as he worked to shutdown thought and just whore. "Yes, sir. … Thank you, sir." He looked up at his brother and licked his lips, a move that always caught Sam's attention, whether it signaled arousal or anxiety. Then he stretched, hesitantly turning, and pressed his front into the mattress before lifting his ass and spreading his still-weak legs. "May I thank you properly, sir?" Eager was good, was right, for a whore, but he couldn't help wondering if good whores still got a little nauseous like this, still felt exposed and wanted to close themselves off in a corner instead of- … Shhh. Not helping.

The base of the plug in his ass was only tapped twice before Dean's angle started to slip and he repositioned, digging his knees in for the long haul. Sam, however, seemed content to tap, just there, just enough to make Dean's insides flutter and his breath begin to pant. His voice seemed equally rhythmic and unhurried. "You're right to beg for use, to show your gratitude, and I'm tempted, really I am … but do you think fun like that should take precedence over the discipline you still need today, whore?"

Swallowing, Dean shook his head into the pillow, mumbling. "No, sir."

"Has the discipline not helped your dick behave better? I could've sworn we'd- …" Sam's tone was almost playful, but Dean wasn't playing.

"It's helped! I- … I'm sorry. I should've asked for what I needed … sir." Instead of whoring it up, so easy, so quick, like getting fucked is some goddamned daily multivitamin. He felt dizzy and angry, but less at his brother and more- … Whore. Property. Owned. The discipline reminded him and he both hated and needed that right then. "Please, sir, will you … whip my dick?" He was edging on misery, wretched, but knew this was inevitable and he was trying, tongue bitten and body open, to heed the lessons being taught at the end of that whip.

"Good boy." Sam smacked his ass, then rolled onto his back. "Get everything out for me."

With thoughts skidding to a halt like race cars at a red light, Dean blinked into the pillow before turning a concerned eye on his brother. Sam's eyes were closed, though, and his fingers were wound together under his head like he could stay there all day, relaxed and patient. This was not their routine. Sam tied him first, got out his tools second, and beat him to screaming third. Period. It wasn't that Dean was looking forward to it – he wasn't – but it was- … He couldn't find a word that fit the strange taste in his mouth that was leftover from the way things usually went here. It wasn't 'right', but it was … understandable? Feeling alarmingly untethered, he almost wanted to say so, to beg for the familiar constraints of the regimen they had, but he couldn't bring himself to risk it. He just slowly climbed off the bed toward the toybox, lifting the top as Sam power-opened the lock, and then he rummaged inside until his arms were full of everything that he could remember Sam using on him over the past week or so.

Laying everything out on the desk, then setting up two chairs facing each other next to the bed, Dean was both relieved and made more anxious by the sight of Sam's nod of approval as he slid off of the bed. Sam motioned his brother into the proper seat and Dean steeled himself to be tied down, but Sam didn't. He just perched on the opposing chair and looked at Dean long enough to make Dean's worry spike.

"You're not up for discipline this morning, whore?"

"What? I- …" He looked around, cataloguing the items he'd laid out for Sam's use and going over the arrangement of the chairs in his recent memories. Maybe it would be easier for Sam if he put the toys on the bed, which he hadn't done because there'd been no room at the time, but now- … He stood and moved to gather up the toys, but he just ended up gasping instead, his full height going rigid as Sam's hand wrapped around his soft cock with a warning squeeze.

"Fix it. No cock ring, though. I know this is what you want."

Dean's dick apparently knew better than he did, struggling to prove itself beneath Sam's still fingers even though Dean's mind was torn between all the remembered pain and all the rewarded pleasure at the end. With neither was he prepared to have Sam shift, grasping his hand and pressing it against the budding erection, directing him to stroke himself to full hardness. Dean stole a wary glance at his brother, even more uncertain than he'd been when he was setting up for this session.

This, his dick, was Sam's property.

After being forced to be docile, to just take it, while Sam hurt and teased, cleaned and trained, this part of him, it felt- … He didn't let go, but he felt like he should, like touching himself like this wasn't his right and might not even be a privilege he'd earned. Sam had ordered him to do it, though, so that should have been enough to push the worries away. Should've been, but wasn't really. He fisted his cock just enough to get as hard as Sam wanted him to be, but he still felt off-kilter, his world seeming to tip precariously. It meant he fell heavily back into his chair when he was through, almost grateful that he'd be secured soon, his arms and legs winding themselves efficiently around the chair in preparation for being tied.

Sam didn't move.

Long moments ticked by, the intensity in Sam's eyes pressing against him and making his cock twitch, owned and wanton even for the stroke of Sam's crop. Finally, Dean couldn't take the mystery and silence any longer. "Umm- …" Slam. He was panting instantly, the weighted heat of Sam's powers molding onto and around him, fusing him to the chair as his cock strained in its heat-drawn cage. He could barely even shiver when Sam immediately reached for the flogger specially made for this kind of discipline: no warmup, no pretence, and no bit.

"Be good."

"Yes, sir." Dean nodded through his quickfire fear, knowing that 'good' meant being still and free of pleas. He watched the pullback of the first strike and cringed, but barely gasped when the hit fell, soft and stingy. The flick of the ball whip continued in that way, its strength and speed only rising until Dean had crossed the threshold from discomfort to actual pain. Then, Sam stopped, his features no less focused than they'd previously been, and he took Dean's cock in hand, leading him to a lazy climax. The ending felt perfunctory, though, making the discipline seem even more so and Dean struggled to contain and name his frustration and unease.

When Sam let his powers retract and fade, rising to put away the little mess he'd made, Dean felt … something that wasn't really gratitude, even though a part of him thought such an emotion would be the proper response. He couldn't deny his visceral reaction, though. He felt wrong and not like 'I'm no good' wrong. No, he felt … like what was happening wasn't right, like he should be disciplined more harshly, almost like something had been stolen from him, like he would be within his rights and within the bounds of reason to say something about it. Yet, even with the strength of his gut-based disappointment, a part of him knew to be even more disturbed by his own reaction than by Sam's actions alone.

He shouldn't be upset and confused by, even resistant to, comfort or independence. It shouldn't seem so utterly … weird and wrong. The urgent ignorance of his fears shouldn't have him scrambling to maintain a status quo as fucked up as their punishment scenario, but that didn't negate the acid churning in his stomach. It manifested just how much he felt off-balance and anxious, how much he just didn't like the uncertainty stirred up by this unexpected departure from Sam's twisted norm. So, he ate his pride and tried to face the risk. "Sir?"

"Hmm?" Sam turned back to face him.

Dean opened his mouth, but realized that he couldn't really ask any of the basic questions regarding what was going on or whether or not Sam was feeling okay, not if he wanted to stay on Sam's good side. It would be too much like being a hunter and not enough like being a whore. Still, he couldn't fight the urge to fix the unbalanced feeling that was stretched between them like sagging taffy. That was why he went back to the script he knew, deliberately pouring all his concern and questions into it like it was a profound piece of poetry more than the trained solicitation of a whore. "May I … service you in the shower, sir?" Will you let me go back to the routine, please?

Sam tipped his head for a moment, his eyes narrowing their focus like a flashlight-turned-laser-beam, and Dean almost wondered if he'd say something more than yes or no, something telling or somehow sharply hurtful. He didn't, though, just hummed thoughtfully and let his lips twitch into a sort of half-smile as he turned away, en route to the bathroom. "I guess. If you're good."

Dean was.

* * *

They'd been through a slightly altered version of their daily grind – the discipline, the sex machine, the showers, the oral, and the meals - and Dean had all but drown in confusion over the not-quite-rightness of Sam's actions and expectations. The sense that he kept missing something big, that he was staring the answer in the face but was somehow blinded by it, had exhausted him as much as the physical exertion of the day. He wasn't even sure if the new addition to the activities list – a fumbled but firmly requested massage – was a bit of calm before a storm, a herald of his punishment's end, or just an excuse to give him more work to do.

Night was a blanket all around them, now, and one bedside lamp stood out, the only spot of light that Sam had allowed him. They were mostly just lazing about, though, Dean's body nestled between Sam's legs, his back against Sam's chest as Sam leaned against the headboard, quietly stroking his arms and breathing softly into his hair. Despite the strangeness of the day, Dean felt mellower than he had in a long time. Yes, Sam frustrated, confused, and even frightened him throughout the day, but he was ever the owner, just one with an edge that was both softer and somehow more demanding than Dean had come to expect. It no longer seemed like something was wrong or worse, however, just … different, maybe even better.

Dean nodded softly to himself as he decided to try to end the day while it still had a positive note. "Should I get out the night rope and everything, sir?"

Sam didn't answer immediately, continuing to stroke Dean's skin. "Do you understand what you are now and what you're for?"

"Yeah, I think so."

"Tell me."

It had been on his mind, so he didn't hesitate. "I'm your property. I'm your whore. Always and everywhere." That wasn't the complete answer, though. He knew better now. "… And I exist solely for your pleasure - not my own - like the Litany says."

Sam's approving nod brushed the back of Dean's head with the wind of his words. "Then I don't think we need that stuff tonight. I'm taking you off of punishment."

Dean sighed, slow and long like he hadn't breathed in a week. "Thank you, sir." His mind was already churning, trying to figure out how to make his thanks tangible.

"You're welcome, Dean."

His name. It was like getting a bouquet of flowers and a punch in the chest at the same time: strange, sweet, unexpected, and aching. How long had it been since the last time he'd heard it? Eight days? Nine? The way it sent both peace and pain through him made his insides quake and the question came unbidden: What would it be like to never hear his own name again, to just be 'whore' and 'boy' and 'slut' and 'slave' for the rest of his life, like all those others Sam mentioned? Even as this world and his brother's part in it chilled him, he couldn't keep himself from feeling grateful for even these small kindnesses. Sam was right about that part, at least. It made him wonder what else Sam might be right about.

In the quiet, Dean prodded, maybe more than he should, reverent but relishing in the return of his privileges. "Sam … are the nightmares gone now?" It felt like a question Sam would've posed to him late at night in some motel room decades earlier.

"For now, yeah, I think so."

Dean nodded, relieved in many ways but still worried in others. "Can I ask you a question without you getting mad at me?"

Sam's hand paused for a moment before starting again. "Maybe."

He went out on a limb. "How did you know I'd thought about escape?"

Sam chuckled, unanxious. "Other than knowing you?"

Dean took the brush-off for what it was. "But … why would it matter to you that I think about it?" Present tense. "I mean, you said it wasn't possible so … ?"

"That doesn't mean you won't try." Present tense again with some future on the side. A thrum of tension slid into Sam's body, but he kept petting Dean and it was hard not to hear the resignation in his voice.

"... Would you kill me?" Their heartbeats sounded loud in the silence as it fell and then stretched on and on without an end in sight. Dean let his eyes fall closed, the hush frightening despite the unspoken possibilities that might have lingered in its ambiguity. Still, he couldn't leave it at that, couldn't let it go. "You don't want to."

Sam held his words back for long moments again and when he finally spoke, his words were barely a whisper, like he was scared to speak them though his body betrayed no such fear. "Does it really matter to you?"

"Of course it does." Dean felt winded, his words breathless. There were so many things tangled up in that question, pieces that he couldn't parse out. He moved to twist around, to seek out his brother's eyes, but Sam's arm grabbed his, lightning-fast, as if Dean was bordering on violence instead of empathy.

"Eyes front."

Dean's body halted midstream, then he slowly resumed his previous position, wary now but still glad to know that Sam might care on some level, even if Sam seemed to be complicating things in his mind. Without a better sense of Sam's headspace, though, he didn't know what to say or even what to think to help them through this, to keep them both connected and sane. "I just want to know that you're still in there."

Sam broke the uneasy quiet with harsh and bitter laughter. "You just got off of punishment, Dean. Do you really want to keep talking?"

"Why does it bother you so much when I talk about him- … you?"

"If it bothers me, that's because it shows just how little you understand, how poorly your training is going, how much work we have to do. You keep mulling over me like I'm some puzzle that you're supposed to fix, but you're not. You have one job here, Dean, one."

Dean mumbled, automatic. "Pleasing you."

"Yes. Focus on that. Whenever you feel your mind wandering, thinking things it shouldn't, just remember what you're for." Dean tensed as Sam's hand closed tightly around his wrist, dragging it back behind him until his fingers met the rising hardness of his brother's cock. "If you're doing your job right, then you shouldn't really have time or energy to waste on anything that isn't pleasing to me, right, whore?"

"Yes, sir."

"Are you doing your job right, now, whore?"

Dean closed his eyes and slowly shook his head, part sadness, part shame. "Probably not, sir."

"Then focus. This week should've taught you that much."

Nodding, he reined in the parts of himself that were less whore and more something else, presenting himself for use like he'd learned, his voice schooled to override his anxiety. "How can I please you, sir?"

Sam's voice was low and hot against his nape. "On your back."

Dean's head dropped as he shivered, but he knew what mattered here. He climbed over Sam's leg so that Sam could move over and down on the bed, and then he settled onto his back, head in the pillows and knees propped up wide like a good boy.

"Spread that hole for me, whore." Inhaling deep and shaky, Dean reached around his legs to hold his ass open, but Sam's eyebrows shifted with the low sling of his cock. "You want it fucked dry?"

He knew this wasn't about lube or there wouldn't be any discussion, just lube in his hand or dripping onto his brother's dick, but there were still multiple possibilities, including begging Sam to do something, if that was what Sam wanted. He decided to go for the simplest solution, however, prepared to escalate things further, if needed. Slowly, deliberately waiting for confirmation or alternative direction, Dean pulled his right hand up and pushed two fingers into his mouth, sucking them wet before reaching back down to fuck them into his hole until it seemed less likely to tear.


The movement of Dean's fingers stuttered as he looked up at his brother, uncomprehending, but Sam just gripped his hard-working hand and dragged it back to Dean's mouth again, defining his command as he stuffed those first two fingers back in for re-wetting.

"I want it slick enough to swim in, whore, so repeat until it feels and sounds like you've already been used."

The tang on his tongue didn't stop Dean from doing as he was told, a good whore with some training and some discipline, a good whore who wouldn't have to wake up to the feel of a flogger beating his dick again unless he forgot himself, unless he was dumb. He shuddered and averted his eyes, but he sucked his fingers again and then fucked them back into his hole, wet and pumping, over and over until his ass was stretched and slippery, squeaking like the whore hole that it was. Looking up at his brother when he was through, though, had Dean shaking from the sick gleam in Sam's eyes, his body sweating and tense as it fought to contain everything Dean knew would be unleashed just for him.

"Pull me in and open your mouth."

Hesitant but obedient, Dean repositioned to get a grip on Sam's cock and guided it towards his entrance, both of their breaths labored as the tip began to push in. Then Dean let his hands drop to the bed as he tilted his head up, parting his lips for the man who was fucking his way into the hole he'd prepared. As the cock settled more and more deeply into Dean's passage, however, filling him with warmth and aching strength, Sam's lowered lips only barely brushed his and there was no real kiss. There was something else, though, the crush of open mouths and the feel of something heavy-wet hitting the back of Dean's throat as Dean arched up and Sam slammed the rest of the way in. Everything seemed to stop as Sam pulled away enough to grin, the shock in Dean's brain leaving his mouth O-shaped as he blinked, lashes twitching, at his twisted fuck of a brother … owner … master.


The air seemed to throb in his chest, but he numbly closed his mouth and looked away, swallowing. When Sam's mouth crashed into his again as his cock began a slow pull-out, the frantic swipe of tongue and dent of teeth were like being devoured and Dean could do little more than to let himself be thoroughly plundered. The gradually rising speed and strength of Sam's thrusts didn't hurt for distraction either and he succumbed, his back bending as Sam maneuvered a leg over his shoulder and tried to fuck his way deep enough to find new territory.

"Filthy." Sam panted as he fucked what was his. "Fucking pretty whore and so damn filthy for me."

Dean shivered and bit his dirty lips, trying to breathe hard with his mouth closed.

"Open up, whore. Even if that top hole isn't in use by my dick right now, it's still for me … for my pleasure. You said you knew that."

Still looking away, Dean shakily forced his lips to open, head nodding enough to say that yeah, he knew that, he just- … His fists clenched as Sam's thumb found his bottom lip, turning him and tugging it down as his tongue flicked at the top lip before spitting into his mouth again. Then Sam pressed Dean's chin up in time for him to swallow, nearly choking, as he rammed cock into him harder, like inner pain was the point, the backs of Dean's thighs straining and aching as Sam's hips pushed them wider apart.

"This filthy whore body belongs to me, is for me."

"I- I know, sir." Dean didn't know if these acts, this fuck, was supposed to be proof, but he knew that truth even in a world this unreal, and when Sam spat in his mouth again, holding his jaw as he fucked him and held his burning gaze, Dean felt himself begin to shake like ice had overtaken him with the soul-deep sense of his slavery.

"You best not forget that, whore."

Something twisted wrong-right-yes-no inside him. "Won't … sir. Won't." So hard that he could beg, the ache of cock in his ass after days full of cock made him crazy for a counterpoint, low and in front, to get him where he wanted, needed, to go. He lost his brother's eyes, because he couldn't watch his reflection begging like this, slutting it up like this. "Fuck." His licked lips made the plea even more obscene. "Please touch me, sir … please."

Sam pulled his mouth open again and Dean anticipated it all, hips bearing down as he accepted his owner's taste in his mouth before getting the reward of his kisses. "What is this filthy mouth for?"

"You." He fucked himself up onto Sam's cock as their bodies crashed, his arms coming up to wrap around Sam's shoulders so he could growl in his ear. "For pleasing you, sir."

"Yeah." Sam groaned against Dean's cheek. "And this dirty hole that I'm fucking?"

"You- … Fuck, please." The sweat-wet friction of Sam's abs over Dean's cock was not and would not be enough. "For pleasing you. For you, for you."

"Then come for me, whore … come because you're filthy and used … because you're learning how to shut up and love it."

Dean keened as Sam finally took his cock in hand between them, stroking him just as hard and fast as they were fucking, and Dean could damn near feel his spine tighten as he writhed and bent and rode his way to a pleasure that seemed to grip his very muscles all the way to the bone. Sam's mouth found the crook of Dean's neck as he arched up and pressed down, Sam's teeth cutting tight lines of bruises into him as the scent of blood spilled into the air. Dean's body ripped its way over the edge, then, a shout tearing up from the base of his lungs, and every part of him quaked like a bomb went off in his core.

As his shaky breaths became the echoes of aftershocks, Dean's mind spun up, out, and around, until it dropped back to Earth like lead, his arms sticky-hot around his brother and his muscles shivering away their tension. Every scent, taste, and ache branded status memories under his skin like slivers now, as he met his brother's final thrusts, unable to steal back his former calm, even behind closed eyelids. He didn't want to go back to being 'on punishment', a path strewn with perpetual pain, but he couldn't see the way forward yet and he couldn't shut out the present if he wanted to survive it.

In the end, he knew that his exit remained shrouded and that every fight-based fix had proved in vain. So, for now, he just endured, surrendered, knowing that he wasn't even a half-bad whore anymore, his kisses messy and his thighs squeezed tight as he spurred his brother towards the release that a good owner deserved. Then, in the mounting grey of this, his must-be-temporary whoredom, Dean lost himself, deeply entered but alone, draped in all the quilted nightmares of slick sounds and grunts and darkness.

Chapters: 1.Lost - 2.Exposed - 3.Used - 4.Hurt - 5.Modified

[identity profile] wusswoo.livejournal.com 2009-09-29 05:13 pm (UTC)(link)
Oh this is so harsh, your Sam is truly the most evil. I keep hoping for some small redemption, it makes me sad for poor Dean. This is such an epic and I can't wait for more. x

[identity profile] writingbyebonio.livejournal.com 2009-10-02 06:21 am (UTC)(link)
Thank you! Sam is rather glorious in his epic evil, eh? There is always the possibility of redemption, though. As always, looking forward to seeing you around here again for the next episode! :)

[identity profile] zeerine.livejournal.com 2009-09-29 09:22 pm (UTC)(link)
This was so painfully good, I actually felt bad for Sam, & felt like screaming at Dean to jut give in for himself & for Sam.
Please please post more soon.

[identity profile] writingbyebonio.livejournal.com 2009-10-02 06:23 am (UTC)(link)
Thank you! And dude, there are so few of you readers who want to shake Dean and tell him to behave - makes perfect sense to me! As for more, there's always something on the way! :)

[identity profile] demondean.livejournal.com 2009-09-29 11:08 pm (UTC)(link)
*SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!* I almost spat my coffe to the keyboard when I saw you've posted a new installment. Yay!

Ahhh... This was definitely wroth the wait. It was sad/painful/twisted and jet somehow hot darkness. <3 It was just awesome -- you build the tension so good that there are times when I almost want to stop reading cause it's too much/too dark/too painful but then the curiosity and sympathy get the best of me and I wanna know what happens next; I wanna know where it all leads, I wanna feel what Dean feels.

The text was flowing so I really loved it all but I had my few fave bits:

"The same way that I expect you not to spend time trying to figure out how to fly to Never-Never Land by jumping out the window and flapping your arms! It's impossible and attempting it would be insane since failure is a foregone conclusion."

'Obey or suffer' became 'obey and suffer or suffer and suffer some more'.

He pressed his lips to the leather like the brittle prayer of a hostaged nonbeliever.

"He felt right but slightly out-of-place, like a living piece of perfection floating on a kite string..."

The magic veneer was peeling off.

"How the fuck does giving in fix anything?!"

"- … Shhh. Not helping."
OMG -- Dean's inner voice is mojor fucked up love right there. *shakes head* *fans self*

His name. It was like getting a bouquet of flowers and a punch in the chest at the same time: strange, sweet, unexpected, and aching.

*hugs you tight* Keep up the evil goodness babes -- you rock! :)

[identity profile] writingbyebonio.livejournal.com 2009-10-02 06:27 am (UTC)(link)
LOL! I'm glad you were excited! I always love seeing your thoughtful comments! It's good to hear that the tension build-up worked and that the intensity was challenging. I definitely think that's important in a dark 'verse like this. Also, it's amazing how many of your favorite bits are mine too! You have good taste! ;-)

[identity profile] absrip.livejournal.com 2009-09-29 11:11 pm (UTC)(link)
This was really hot but so darn painful to read at the same time! The future seems pretty bleak for Dean, still hoping there is a part of good left in Sam somewhere and is very intrigued by how the Sammy part in Dean's dreams plays into all of this.

Wonderful story and so great to see more from this verse of yours I've missed it:) Thank you so much for sharing!

[identity profile] writingbyebonio.livejournal.com 2009-10-17 10:33 pm (UTC)(link)
Mmmmm, thank you! I do rather enjoy tearing Dean apart a bit (and angsting up the readers as well, I suppose, heh), but there will definitely be more intrigue to come, for Dean and all the Sam's. Thanks for reading! :)

very long, rambling comment

[identity profile] concernedlily.livejournal.com 2009-09-30 11:26 am (UTC)(link)
This is a really interesting chapter! I could really do with going back and rereading some of the other stories, especially the rest of the 'walking' triptych (oh, the hardship! *g*) but I really enjoyed this part and the progression of Sam and Dean as individuals and of their (master/slave) relationship.

Needless to say, the sex was unbelievably hot *g*. I'd wondered if we would see the dick-whipping Sam promised in Eager and it didn't disappoint, and the addition of the fucking machine was great. I particularly liked how you you showed those things starting to break down Dean's denial about his masochistic side, his growing awareness in the moment of how pain turns him on, melds with and leads to pleasure. I was also intrigued by what Sam said about keeping him healthy, which seems to hint at how Dean might be not only an uninformed but also an unreliable narrator, if things are happening to him that he's not aware of (maybe like how Whore Academy gave Dean knowledge that we now have, and he has to some degree, but not consciously). It also reminded me of Just For You and the healing there - I found Sam's reference in this story to painting Dean red maybe more than once particularly creepy and horrific, since we've already seen that event, but also suggests that his doing that wasn't some sort of whim but maybe had another purpose alongside Sam wanting to see Dean in agony.

The Sam in this story was fascinating - he seemed a lot more vulnerable than in other stories in the 'verse, after that opening where he's having terrible nightmares... which seem to culminate in a need and concern for Dean not as a slave, but as a brother. Definitely shades of Dean's Sammy, no matter what he says! And again backs up Whore Academy in suggesting that somewhere in himself there's a gentler version pushing back against Mr (Commander) Winchester. The occurrence of the nightmares leading to his putting Dean on punishment are really interesting - does he want to punish Dean for leaving him there to be broken down, is he trying to protect Dean by making him into someone who obeys and wouldn't escape, is it something else. The conversation at the end was very interesting - it seemed like Sam cares just a little about how his slave feels about him, doesn't want Dean to want to die, separate from any memories about them as brothers, maybe even resents that Sammy has a hold over Dean... OTOH we've been shown before that Sam will say things to manipulate Dean, so it isn't necessarily a genuine reflection of what he thinks!

Sam's motives are very unclear: of course he wants to break Dean down to be a perfect slave, but the effect of the torture/conditioning on him was to make him (as he sees it now) strong; I'm sure he hasn't forgotten that. Even with the punishment storyline I still found Sam in this story in many ways more amenable to Dean: the questions he allows Dean in the first and last sections are much freer than in other parts of the 'verse. Outside of the punishments he also seemed more physically tender, touching Dean when he was sick at the beginning and washing him in the shower and then with more kissing and holding at the end, after Dean has submitted; I know you've commented previously about how Sam goes softer and holds Dean while they sleep, and it seemed like maybe that was something Sam had missed while he was leaving Dean uncomforted at night.


yet more very long, rambling comment

[identity profile] concernedlily.livejournal.com 2009-09-30 11:26 am (UTC)(link)
Dean was so brave in this story. You write his inner turmoil so beautifully, but with such a quiet strength: I loved how he clung to his name, even when Sam tried to make him nameless, and how easily he flipped straight back to big brother mode when it seemed like Sam might need that. He's getting very good at rationalisation and survival, with the slave responses becoming engrained by the end. His situation just seems to get more hopeless, but his own dream conversations with the Sammy in his head were very interesting - it's quite zen, the idea that to win you must first surrender the self. His uncertainty and wish to go back to the routine when Sam gave him the tiniest bit of freedom to set up the punishment in the final chapter broke my heart.

There's a couple of things I've been wondering which I'd like to ask about the future of the series, which I hope you don't mind... please don't take them as complaints, because I completely understand how life precludes doing a lot of writing, and you're very good to us in the long and thoughtful installments! But I'd be interested to know, if you don't mind answering - the first is whether you still envisage writing all the stories listed in the ESU intro post, which suggest that the 'verse isn't half-finished yet? I also wondered when in your writing/posting schedule you plan to fill in the later (post I Dream of Death) stories? Again, I love the series and I'll look forward to it whenever you're able to write and post :).

[identity profile] jasmasson.livejournal.com 2009-09-30 12:32 pm (UTC)(link)
God, this was hot. Gnngh.

[identity profile] writingbyebonio.livejournal.com 2009-10-18 04:03 am (UTC)(link)
Why thank you! :)

[identity profile] idiot4dean.livejournal.com 2009-09-30 05:57 pm (UTC)(link)
Been looking forward to this for a long time and you didn't disappoint. Another wonderful addition to the series. Hope we don't have to wait as long for the next (but rl can mess things up)


[identity profile] writingbyebonio.livejournal.com 2009-10-18 04:03 am (UTC)(link)
Thank you! And yeah, it was a long time, but the next one's shorter, so it definitely shouldn't take that long even with the weirdness of RL.
ext_16597: (Default)

[identity profile] ysbail.livejournal.com 2009-09-30 10:16 pm (UTC)(link)
This new instalment plants a theory inside my head that I'm not sure I want to bring out into the light of day. Sam's nightmares, 'dream Sam's' insistence that maybe Dean should give in, they're like pieces of a puzzle and, though I'm working without the picture, I think I'm starting to see what the finished result will turn out to be ... but I can always be wrong, can't I?

I had to read the other two parts of this arc before I read this and I have to say THANK YOU for the update. I feel for Dean so damn much, and if I'm right (and part of me really wants to be - the other part is scared of the possibility) then Sam may need my sympathy too.

[identity profile] writingbyebonio.livejournal.com 2009-10-18 04:07 am (UTC)(link)


I mean ... I'm so glad that this story got you thinking about the 'verse in new ways. There are definitely lots of puzzle pieces planted around these parts and hopefully one day they'll sprout a puzzle tree with tasty fruit for readers to eat. Of course, even if your idea isn't where I'm going, it's still cool to get the gears going, right? I do appreciate that you can be somewhat empathetic towards Sam, though, because I know that's a tough thing for many readers (not that I or Sam make it easy for you).

Thanks for being an awesome and loyal reader! :)

[identity profile] ash-carpenter.livejournal.com 2009-09-30 10:37 pm (UTC)(link)
I don't usually like ownership/slavery etc fics, but this was extremely well written because it was all from Dean's point of view and we could see the evolution of his thoughts and emotions, which were fantastically realistic.

I really like the dream parts and hints of the old Sam too, because it's easy to see why Dean can't quite lose his hope - and it's so heartbreaking.

Plenty of hotness too (even tho it's the guilty kind!) amid all the other stuff. Really enjoyed it! :D

[identity profile] writingbyebonio.livejournal.com 2009-10-18 04:08 am (UTC)(link)
Thank you very much! I'm glad that the growth and emotions of the characters felt realistic, that's absolutely what I'm going for. Yay for you enjoying the fic! :)

[identity profile] putu2sleep.livejournal.com 2009-09-30 11:43 pm (UTC)(link)
I was a late reader to your 'verse, but once I read all the entries, I eagerly awaited this update, and it was wonderful horrifying! The whole process is so incredibly painful, and I feel so for Dean as he tries to adapt and accommodate to all the changes.

And to lose even his name! That killed me. It seemed like their was no hope for him. I was excited in the end when he got it back, and even as evil as Sam is, I can't help but hold out hope, especially in light of all his dreams. No matter what, nightmares remind me that Sammy is still human (okay, I hope).

Great update, I love how well you show the breaking. I can't imagine Dean succumbing easily, and he certainly is not, he has suffered and endured so much in the hopes that there might still be some Sammy left.

[identity profile] writingbyebonio.livejournal.com 2009-10-18 04:21 am (UTC)(link)
Oh yay! I'm always glad to have new readers and I'm glad that this piece lived up to your expectations for this 'verse. Sam is definitely a mysterious and complex character here, for both the reader and Dean. It's good to hear, though, that Dean's breaking process seems in character in light of his strength and his hope for whatever might be lying under the surface of this enigmatic Sam. Thanks for reading and leaving feedback! :)

[identity profile] tifaching.livejournal.com 2009-10-01 12:01 am (UTC)(link)
So worth the wait. God, Dean. Surrendering under unspeakable torture. And Sam. Something's going on there, but I'm damned if I can see what. So good. Can't wait for more.

[identity profile] writingbyebonio.livejournal.com 2009-10-18 04:10 am (UTC)(link)
Thank you! Dean's trying to be strong but also survive, ya know, tough job. And Sam? Yeah ... hopefully you'll stick around to find out what's going on. ;-)

[identity profile] mre-quecky.livejournal.com 2009-10-01 08:54 pm (UTC)(link)
Oh wow, this was absolutely brilliant! Really enjoyed reading this and poor Dean gets so lost... Looooved!

[identity profile] writingbyebonio.livejournal.com 2009-10-18 04:10 am (UTC)(link)
Thank you very much! Dean's evolution toward surrender was a tricky but rewarding thing to write! :)

[identity profile] sionell8.livejournal.com 2009-10-02 07:04 am (UTC)(link)
This 'verse breaks me every time I read it, but I can't stop coming back for more! The boys are so beautifully broken I just want them fixed--eventually. In the mean time I look forward to many more stories from you.

[identity profile] writingbyebonio.livejournal.com 2009-10-18 04:11 am (UTC)(link)
Awww! Glutton for punishment, eh? I appreciate your willingness to endure all the broken goodness and hold onto hope for a fix. :)

[identity profile] sam-dean-lover.livejournal.com 2009-10-02 04:13 pm (UTC)(link)
You are the best Evil!Sam writer Period. You have showed a different side of Sam that hurts to read but its so damn good that it's even more painful on a re-read. Welcome Back! i can definately re-read this new installment Masterpiece that is you and your writing. I cant get enough

[identity profile] writingbyebonio.livejournal.com 2009-10-18 04:13 am (UTC)(link)
What a sweet thing to say! Thank you! There's definitely a lot of hurt in this piece, but I'm glad it's something you can appreciate. I'm grateful that you keep coming back for more! :)

[identity profile] doctor-dorothy.livejournal.com 2009-10-05 01:44 am (UTC)(link)
I was very happy to see this -- as dark and painful as this story is, I find the relationship between Sam and Dean you depict here very compelling. I really hate this Sam, even as I pity him, and I find myself frustrated with and pained by Dean at the same time. Very twisted.

[identity profile] writingbyebonio.livejournal.com 2009-10-18 04:15 am (UTC)(link)
Thank you very much! I'm glad that the complexity of their relationship and their individual realities shakes you up a bit. It's definitely a darkly complicated world they are working to live in.

[identity profile] zazreil.livejournal.com 2009-10-05 06:34 am (UTC)(link)
Well in the last two days I just read through the whole series. Some I may have read before, they seem familiar, some maybe not. Its well written and tragic and horrible and tragic and fascinating and tragic. Oh and did I mention tragic, but like watching huge disaster, natural or man made you just can't look away. So did I say it was tragic yet? Wow just wow

Ok so Sam and Dean are slipping into each other's dreams and it seems to be happening from the time that Sam inscribed himself on Dean's soul, or so I am guessing from the time line (though I did read in posting order). The fly that turns into a humming bird and eventually into a raging bear, I am guessing is Sam's soul's connection to the power of the Fallen and he worries that he will not be strong enough to keep it from destroying Dean. The question is he having this symbolic Dream because he is equating Dean losing himself in the role of whore is equal to Dean dying or is that a glimpse into the future story where Dean finally has had enough and tries for suicide? Or is he thinking he will not be strong enough to keep the world he is building from destroying Dean?

I guess I my question is do you hold out any hope for your readers for Sam and Dean. I don't care if its Evil Sammy and a trained Dean or if Dean finds away to save his Sammy. I am just would like a little hope that the love between them is mutual and that somehow despite the circumstances that Dean will have the comfort of that love, Sam too of course but though Sam was broken, it sure wasn't by Dean and Sam is shattering Dean very effectively so far


[identity profile] zazreil.livejournal.com 2009-10-05 12:05 pm (UTC)(link)
Ok going back to Sam's Dreams maybe what he is worried is that Dean won't be strong enough to survive having a demon lover, that his mind, essential Deanness will be lost. Or that Dean won't be strong enough to pull Sam back to himself or at least integrate the two Sam halves

I also wanted to add that whatever your muse brings is great, but I am still hoping for Sam finding Dean after he attempts to kill himself. Yeah I know Sam will be angry but I guess I am hoping still for something more in his reaction and maybe get a little Sam point of view from Sam's side and not just filtered through Dean if we are lucky


[identity profile] nuncupl.livejournal.com 2009-10-08 02:24 pm (UTC)(link)
wow~amazing! love it!

[identity profile] writingbyebonio.livejournal.com 2009-10-18 04:15 am (UTC)(link)
Thank you and thanks for reading!

[identity profile] babyreaper.livejournal.com 2009-10-09 01:04 am (UTC)(link)
A huge fan of evil Sam and kept/slave Dean and must say this is one of the best, I love it and cannot get enough. I haven't read many stories where Sam has been so totally evil and nasty to Dean, this one really takes the cake. and poor Dean, could his life get any worse??? More soon. looking forward to it. Thnaks

[identity profile] writingbyebonio.livejournal.com 2009-10-18 04:17 am (UTC)(link)
Thank you so much! I think there are some writers who are hesitant to take Sam to the dark dark places, but I'm so there! ;-) Glad you're enjoying the series so far, even if Dean's having a rough go of it. There is definitely more on the way, as always.

[identity profile] sammygirl26.livejournal.com 2009-10-28 06:31 pm (UTC)(link)
You seriously need to write some more!! I love Evil Sam in these stories!

[identity profile] writingbyebonio.livejournal.com 2009-10-28 07:02 pm (UTC)(link)
Thank you muchly! I'm certainly working on it! :D

(no subject)

[identity profile] sammygirl26.livejournal.com - 2009-10-28 19:21 (UTC) - Expand

[identity profile] deadbeat-nymph.livejournal.com 2009-11-20 08:10 pm (UTC)(link)
I am awed and rapt and clenching. This installment is amazing: not just the what but the how as well. Your writing is a delight to read.

I am so glad there's more new to read!

[identity profile] writingbyebonio.livejournal.com 2009-11-22 06:39 am (UTC)(link)
Yay! Thank you! I'm very glad that both the content and the style worked for you! ;-)

tornado of feelings here

[identity profile] chiana-mik80s.livejournal.com 2009-12-06 03:03 pm (UTC)(link)
ok i'm in shock, sad, relieved, and ect but wow very well written and so happy to see dream sam...yay need more please enable my addictions. ;-D

Re: tornado of feelings here

[identity profile] writingbyebonio.livejournal.com 2009-12-15 03:36 pm (UTC)(link)
Thank you! I'm always glad to stir up a mix of strong feelings. As always, there is more on the way! ;-)

[identity profile] katsheswims.livejournal.com 2010-07-29 06:55 pm (UTC)(link)
Dean is really losing himself. I just hope that he manages to preserve himself in some corner of his mind...

Hmm, I was thinking of what Sam's nightmare might be. What if Dean's suicide in "I dream of death" isn't some dream of Dean's, but really happens! And that is what Sam sees?! Sam said his mightmare was gone for now, and that's after Dean has given in more to his slave role, so I'm thinking that his vision is somehow Dean getting hurt/killed because of how he acts? Maybe it's Dean's suicide, but maybe it's someone else hurting him....

I really love this series. It's so complex.

And I know a coulple later chapters list Dean being with OMC's, but I just can't imagine Sam sharing him...

[identity profile] writingbyebonio.livejournal.com 2010-10-18 02:56 pm (UTC)(link)
Yeah, Dean is really struggling by this point. Sam has done a pretty excellent job of getting him all mixed up and well-trained. I always think hope is a good policy, though, so hold onto that. :)

As for everything else, you are a terribly insightful individual and I am very much enjoying your thought process with regard to this series. So, thanks for reading and offering your feedback. I hope it continues to intrigue and entertain you. ;-)

[identity profile] queengeekkeri.livejournal.com 2012-05-26 01:07 am (UTC)(link)
Fuck me. This was sexy & dirty & made me want to call up my local Dom for a spanking. Sam being all.. And Dean just taking it. Wow. Kudos lots of orgasmic kudos.